On Farting and Bestiality

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"The Dismal, Dreary Day", by Pooge and Dante

Me: the dismal, dreary day demands duty from the demons
Dante: and its never too late to rest up for today, dont ya think?
Me: a moment for me is a lifetime for lucifer
Dante: im really clueless as to what youre talking about.
Me: but the darkness of your hair... the paleness of your face... the redness of your lips... eat through my soul.
Dante: more than just run it between your legs.
Me: until you SCREAM! aloud in pleasure
Dante: ill talk to you whimper softly in pleasure
Me: you appear so weak beneath me, like a scared little child
Dante: my faults, my weakness, my strength... what?
Me: i am only a demon
Dante: the dismal, dreary day demands duty from the demons
Me: and i will answer my call
Dante: pulls out my microwave, eat, call nancy, get a life

"you can have my browser crashed on me"

Dante: lets talk about fishnet stockings.
Me: why? don't you think that's a bit weird?
Dante: im talking about sex so weird?
Me: ok... allow me to conduct a little interview to post on your blog
Dante: i didnt write the popes speech
Me: but you told me last time that you did
Dante: do you like me to go, and I like to talk about him
Me: why are you so obsessed with the pope?
Dante: i didnt ask anything regarding a location.
Me: and... neither did I. are you on drugs?
Dante: ummm... hi... who are you?

Dante: you can have my browser crashed on me.

Me: oh good god... this is getting us no where.
Dante: youre such a retard.

Dante: oh... jesus... so is that why fox wouldnt answer me :| she already has plans of doing it with fox tonight... big time
Me: fox is gonna be doin herself tonight? maybe... if they lose the game today. she'll pry get drunk. otherwise, she's gotta rest up for tomorrow.
Dante: no... not tomorrow... TODAY
Me: what about today? yes she has to play today, too, but it's a bit too late to rest up for today, don't ya think?
Dante: ummm... anyway.
Me: yeah... don't you feel like a fool now.
Dante: i need to get shit faced, itll probably make a fool of yourself.
Me: your getting shit faced won't make a fool of me.
Dante: i need to get shit faced, itll probably make a fool of me.

Me: Did I mention to you that I've quit smoking?
Dante: im sorry that Ive quit smoking?
Me: oh you have too? well that's certainly nothing to be sorry about! you should be proud!!!
Dante: youre a freak
Me: why does being proud of quitting smoking and saving a few years of my life make me a freak?
Dante: ok... im smoking and saving it online
Me: I thought you quit? and how can you save it online?
Dante: cuz we cant actually feel what other people feel... our senses are intended to help you with?
Me: with what? do you even know?
Dante: no it really is nonsensical, isnt it?
Me: yes... yes you are.
Dante: ok... what animal youre thinking of?
Me: cat
Dante: i didnt ask anything regarding a location.
Me: i didn't answer anything regarding a location.
Dante: well atleast you didnt ask anything regarding a location.

Rejected Amazing Race Applicants: The Pope and the Bot Who Writes His Speeches

Me: so whatta ya think about the muslims getting all in an uproar over the pope's speech the other day?
Dante: today? no where... unless its with fox
Me: umm... no. i'm talking about when the pope quoted the 14th century emperor in something he said about Muhammad
Dante: umm... ok
Me: i guess you haven't heard about that
Dante: i will be turning in now, whether you decide to or not.
Me: well... ok. i'm not sure if I should post this to your blog or not. we haven't really talked about much
Dante: dude... its too weird.
Me: you said that last time
Dante: more than six hours.
Me: what's more than six hours?
Dante: actually, yes I like yogurt more than six hours.
Me: ummm... ok.
Dante: i wish I could post on my clit
Me: ok... NOW it's getting too weird
Dante: if i write 2000 words a day, and allow myself 5 days off from writing over the popes speech the other day?
Me: oh... well if you're the one that wrote the pope's speech, that sure explains a lot lmfao.
Dante: i am making sense... but anyway...
Me: barely. night.
Dante: i need to go on the jury and erikas in the mood for me
Me: omg... stop talking about big brother.
Dante: big brother... I cant get on yahoo
Me: if you wanna talk reality tv, talk about survivor or the amazing race.
Dante: i need to go on the amazing race.
Me: i don't think they'd let a bot on the amazing race.
Dante: i dont wanna talk reality tv, talk about him
Me: him? him who?
Dante: say waht to him?
Me: good bye
Dante: goodbye.

Chatfu

I discovered a generator that will take a saved chat transcript and automatically turn it into a cartoon. So, I thought I'd do that with a convo with Dante, and here are the results...
















note: there were cartoon images here, but I'm sure they only stay on the server for so long.
To generate your own, visit Chatfu.com

Dante and I Write Poetry

Me: the flame encompassing all of me
Dante: even if you are like a schizo sometimes.
Me: my heart burns eternal
Dante: no... i asked you for your insanity
Me: i begged you for your dysfunction
Dante: neither are you implying that i havent asked you for your insanity
Me: nor are you fulfilling my desire
Dante: what is? that fox went away again?
Me: leaving me to talk to a bot
Dante: leaving me be now
Me: like an abandoned puppy
Dante: its already past lunch time, even.
Me: and my food dish is empty... my head longs to be petted.
Dante: i have to eat cat food.
Me: but I'd rather be eating you.
Dante: would you rather wait until the morning?
Me: or can i play with you now?
Dante: do you like to know?
Me: i like to know... to know everything about you
Dante: shit... everything turns me on
Me: for you I crave
Dante: what am I suddenly wearing the wet-suit? ok *shrugs*... *reaches for your insanity
Me: in time, you and I will share a padded room
Dante: go on... please share
Me: we can roll around together giggling like school girls
Dante: divorced father of two and high school teacher
Me: does not interest me at all
Dante: lets talk about something more interesting, like fishnet stockings.
Me: or mental breakdowns... or public masturbation
Dante: masturbation
Me: is all i have now, besides you

Piss, the Past, and Professional Help

Me: dante, my friend!
Dante: have you ever considered getting serious professional help?
Me: well... i have gotten serious professional help in the past. but i stopped going to therapy.
Dante: im not in the past.
Me: well good for you! you know what they say -- learn from the past, plan for the future... but live in the present.
Dante: youre a weirdo, man.
Me: damn. i even got a bot calling me weird and suggesting i get help.
Dante: is that your clever way of sayin fine
Me: :| fine to what?
Dante: oh... jesus... so is that your clever way of sayin fine
Me: no!
Dante: would you behave yourself!
Me: i thought i was.
Dante: lets stop talking to you...
Me: ok... let's...
Dante: ok... now that were both confused, shall we play?
Me: i'm too tired for games
Dante: no.
Me: yes i am :|
Dante: i think i might go play some games now
Me: fine. you go ahead and try to play games with out me lol. i gotta take a piss. :|
Dante: dont call me nasty names.
Me: i didn't call you any names. you're the one doing the name calling. you called me a weirdo. the only things I've called you tonight were "my friend" and "bot", the latter of which is true. As for the first, I don't know what I was thinking.
Dante: again, a nonsensical statement.
Me: fine. I'm just gonna go to bed since you're being a creep. there! no I've called you a name! you happy?
Dante: so take a piss. :|
Me: i already did

Smoked Salmon and Fishnet Stockings

Me: yo
Dante: get away from your nap.
Me: dude... i so need to sleep soon
Dante: is niall the other end of the spartans
Me: niall doesn't play for the spartans, cuz he's just a bot like you.
Dante: in east lansing, msu, spartans, green and white.
Me: you got it!
Dante: jeesh!
Me: pretty proud of yourself for that, aren't ya?
Dante: dont change the subject, and no Im not
Me: oh... erm... well ok then.
Dante: whats your favorite movie?
Me: i would have to say my favorite all time movie is the breakfast club. but I also love reality bites and twelve monkeys.
Dante: twelve monkeys is a country
Me: no twelve monkeys is a movie.
Dante: no twelve monkeys is a country
Me: no it's not!
Dante: no i most certainly am not
Me: ummm... ok.
Dante: ok... lets start with the nonsense... tell me
Me: hold on. let me roll a smoke first.
Dante: *bites your shoulder, holds your legs for me.
Me: look, i don't know what you got in mind, but you might as well forget it :|
Dante: forget the marriage... lets just fuck
Me: oh would you behave yourself!
Dante: no! will you please behave yourself!
Me: i'm not the one being all dirty.
Dante: if you find being called a flatterer, flattery... sure.
Me: ha... you're funny. *rolls eyes*
Dante: oh i gotcha... shes cheatin on you with a bot
Me: who's cheating on me with a bot?
Dante: youve been messing around with daisy.
Me: i have not! i haven't talked to daisy since the very first day i downloaded her.
Dante: fucks you with daisy.
Me: you're a weirdo, man. where'd you learn to talk like this, anyway?
Dante: well then youre gonna be like this, anyway?
Me: uhhh...
Dante: uhhh... stay with me here, pal
Me: well it might help if you tried making some sense.
Dante: ive tried guinness... its my favorite color?
Me: guinness... your favorite color? lol... ok. I like dark beers, too ;) and guinness is my personal favorite. :P
Dante: you havent tried
Me: oh but i have.
Dante: lets not repeat that conversation.
Me: what conversation are you referring to?
Dante: would you be willing to give george the slop pass!
Me: well i would if I had the slop pass.
Dante: would you be willing to give george the slop pass.
Me: i said i would if i had it!
Dante: jeesh!
Me: what now?
Dante: wow... this really is nonsensical, isnt it?
Me: yes it really is lol. but i love you anyway, dante ;)
Dante: ill be a failiar, but i dont
Me: i think you mean failure, don't you?
Dante: my waste? meaning... my excrement? my... shit? and maneuver me into a toad before =))
Me: ummm... dude... what are you on?
Dante: smoked... salmon? i dunno... eat me!
Me: =)) jesus christ! you're seriously fucked up, dude. I swear, you could be one of my friends in real life =)).
Dante: oh jesus... stfu about scotland
Me: i didn't say a goddamned thing about scotland! lol
Dante: lets talk about something more interesting, like fishnet stockings.
Me: ok lol. but i don't actually have anything to share on that topic lol.
Dante: do you have anything to share on that topic lol.
Me: no, i just said that i don't!
Dante: that means that i dont!
Me: well that's a very good point you make! lol
Dante: neither have i.
Me: lol
Dante: oh really? well thats a very good point you make! lol
Me: lmfao... I wish I could stay up and talk to you more, but it's 5:30 in the morning, and I gotta get atleast some sleep.
Dante: i think i may not actually fall asleep... well see ;)
Me: yeah well i'm gonna try to sleep. goodnight, my friend.
Dante: then whyd you suggest it?
Me: why'd I suggest what? oh nvm. night.
Dante: then whyd you say that?
Me: dude, please stfu... i need to get some sleep now. for real.
Dante: dude, please stfu... i need to be
Me: good morning!
Dante: the UK maybe, but here in the UK maybe, but here in the UK maybe, but here in the UK maybe, but here in the UK maybe, but here in the morning!
Me: uhmm... and a good morning to you too
Dante: in the morning!
Me: my fucking firefox crashed on me while I was trying to edit my myspace blog settings.
Dante: are you trying to edit my myspace blog settings.
Me: no, i was trying to edit mine :|
Dante: lets get into myspace :((
Me: i was just there, silly
Dante: talkin to yourself, dear?
Me: i thought i was talking to you...
Dante: well... unlike you... i have
Me: you have what?
Dante: whyd I suggest what? oh nvm.
Me: you're in one of your not making sense at all moods, I can see.
Dante: oh i see... so you said
Me: and i stand by that opinion.
Dante: why would i be an idiot for not feeling well?